is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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