You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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