your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
