Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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