woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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