Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize