What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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