$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
