I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
