WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
