Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
