Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
