I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
