just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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