Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
