PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
