Nicole vs. Life
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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