I must be too annoying 4 u.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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