I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
