I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
