ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
