there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
