I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
