Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
