I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
