You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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