Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
