This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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