Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
