Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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