The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
