im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
