Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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