i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
