tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
