Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
