Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
