my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize