If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
