And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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