forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
