I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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