hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
