I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
