u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
