We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
pray to the hookup gods
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
