the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
