For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I just sharted jello shots
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
