It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
