By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
