Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
