I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
