She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
