how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
