I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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