Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
