Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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