I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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