Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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