i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
