Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
