the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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