The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
