And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i have two assholes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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