he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
