i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
