Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
