If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
