Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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