she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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