Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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