eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
