he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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