You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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